Things I Hate Hearing: ASAP

When used in some circumstances, I don’t mind it so much. However, it’s so overused that it ends 70% of the sentences that I see in emails. “I need this fixed ASAP”, “Get me a new monitor ASAP”, “Stop ignoring my emails and phone calls ASAP” are all examples of instances where the very sight of those four letters drive me nuts.

People use ASAP to tell you that they take priority over everything else that you have scheduled. Well, last time I checked a mouse that needs to be cleaned out doesn’t even take priority over me re-tying my shoes let alone whatever I’m working on. What people don’t realize is that by using “ASAP”, I pretty much either ignore them for the moment or move them to the bottom of the pile. If something is a priority, it’s pretty easy to tell. If the CEO calls regarding something directly, that’s a priority. If a server is down, that’s a priority. Forgotten your password or username? Not a priority. Internet down? Priority. You changed the resolution on your monitor and don’t know how to change it back? Not a priority. Here’s an example of typical usage and an actual email I received today:

I am trying to setup a wireless connection to a laptop in the trailer here in ********. What is the Network key? Let me know ASAP!

I forgot, usually a exclamation point is added for extra ASAP-ness. These are usually the requests I get that end in an ASAP. The manager that sent this email works at a club where there are no authorized or company provided laptops. So what can he possibly be talking about? Maybe a personal laptop so he can surf the internet? Why is that a priority for me? Those are the kinds of emails that I don’t even assign to anyone, I just delete them. At least he used proper grammar and didn’t type in all caps.

Web Filter Drinking Game

• Everytime someone goes to eBay – 1 drink
• Everytime someone tries to bank online – 1 drink
• Everytime someone tries to stream music – 1 drink
• Everytime someone tries to get to MySpace – 1 drink
• Everytime someone tries to get to MySpace a second time within 2 minutes after the first failed attempt – 2 drinks
• Everytime someone tries to get to MySpace 5 times in 5 minutes – 3 drinks
• Everytime someone tries to get to MySpace the next morning thinking that the Web Filter will magically let them – 4 drinks
• Everytime someone tries to view pornography – 2 drinks
• Everytime an infected machine tries to “phone home” – 1 drink

I love this Web Filter.

Web Filters Are Entertaining

This week we installed a Barracuda Web Filter on our network.  During the testing process, I set a Group Policy on one of our departments (which is basically our equivalent of a Call Center, which means they are also the lowest paid and more prone to myspacing and downloading viruses and animated emoticons) to use it as their proxy server.  I knew that they were abusing the internet, (numerous clean-ups of viruses and spyware were my first inclination) but I didn’t realize the full scope until I started viewing the logs.

The company I work for has never had web filtering or tracking.  They didn’t view it as important, trusting their employees on basically on “internet honor code”.  It’s taken about a year to convince them to buy a web filtering/reporting system and that’s only after I showed them how much time is spent cleaning up malware.  Oh, and the rampant pornography surfing helped convince them as well.

Even though I’ve worked in IT for over 6 years, I still continue to be surprised, nay, impressed at the audacity of employees and what they surf at work.  Personally, I’d never go to streaming porn sites while at work, but apparently some do.  I also wouldn’t spend all day on Monster.com, but again, some of my fellow co-workers do.  Even as I type this, someone is searching a few auction sites furiously for a Nintendo Wii.

I feel like a child with a new toy.  Very rarely since I’ve been here have I been able to get something that we needed and that would make my job a little easier, to say nothing of making the day a little more entertaining.  Now if I could only get them to agree to removing users from the Administrator group on their local PCs – well I’d be very happy indeed.

Computers ‘could store entire life by 2026′

From Telegraph by way of Digg: “A device the size of a sugar cube will be able to record and store high resolution video footage of every second of a human life within two decades, experts say. A nice way to chronicle your life, or a step towards the nanny state?”

My favorite piece of the article is this: “Imagine having a personal companion that whines at you three times a day, telling you that you are eating the wrong things and that you spent more than you earned today. The scary thing is it might be foisted on us.”

Apparently Mr. Lynch isn’t married.

read more | digg story

Angry IT Manager: Off Hiatus

So yeah, I guess I never officially announced one but I was on hiatus for a while.  Shortly after my last post, work got real busy and a whole lot less funny.  Long story short, things are different now.  Look for posting to resume shortly.